Being a father is truly one of the greatest experiences a man can have. But let’s be real—it’s far from easy.
As a dad, you’re called to be a leader. That means having the strength, resilience, and stamina to guide your family through life’s biggest challenges—things like loss, illness, injuries, job changes, grief, and all the unexpected twists that come with simply living.
People often say life is like a car ride. But no—it’s definitely a roller coaster. And as a father, you need to know how to operate that ride. Because at the end of the day, your main job is to make sure your family is safe, that they have fun, and that your kids grow up to be productive and independent.
The Dad’s Distinct Role
In my house, I aim to do this alongside my wife, Melissa. She’s an incredible nurturer—she loves our kids deeply and shows up for them in every way. This makes my role clear: my job is to provide leadership. My approach is simple:
- Love
- Structure
- Consistency
- Discipline
That’s the order. That’s a dad’s essential job.
It’s not always easy when you’re working with someone as forgiving and gentle as a mother often is. Moms offer comfort when a child is hurting. They might give warnings again and again. It can be tough for them to hold firm boundaries when their child is pulling at their heartstrings. That’s where dads need to step in—not to take over, but to complement. To lead with a strong foundation of love and clear structure.
Leading Yourself First
To truly lead my family, I first had to earn my wife’s respect. And that started with getting my own values straight. I had to honestly look at what I said I cared about, then compare it to how I was actually living. It couldn’t be about just work, titles, success, money, or status anymore. It had to be about what mattered most: my family.
I wanted to be truly present. That meant being there in the morning, helping get the kids ready, holding baby Joshua while Melissa made breakfast. It meant changing diapers while helping Jenna and Jonny get dressed, and driving them to school. Instead of trips with friends, I wanted to take the family to Pismo. Even if we couldn’t do much with a newborn, just being together was enough.
Leading Means Sacrificing
To lead my family, I had to get control of my temptations. All those things that can pull at us—money, power, success, sex, substances, food, even adrenaline. I had to pull back. Cut things out. I stopped drinking. I cut back on Adderall. I quit gambling for several years. And when I did that, I had so much more time on my hands—and I gave that time back to my family.
I also had to be careful about what I fed my mind. No more unproductive content online. No more distractions that pulled me away from being truly present.
The Power of Daily Presence
Once my values were clear and my personal temptations were managed, the next big step was getting involved in my family’s daily routine. That’s where the real leadership happens. This means:
- Being there when the kids wake up and helping get them ready.
- Being part of their school activities—the singing, the awards, the games.
- Being truly present after school.
We often only get a few precious hours with them between 4 PM and bedtime. So, what are we doing with that time? Are we eating together? Talking? Laughing? Lying down with them at night until they fall asleep? Every family’s routine is different, but if you don’t have one, work one out. My wife and I use a visual schedule to stay on the same page. It helps everything run smoother.
Protecting What Matters Most
All of this—the values, the discipline, the presence—it’s how I protect my family. It’s how I stop those old temptations from creeping in and messing things up. Because they will, if you let them. But when I keep my spirit, my heart, and my mind focused on what matters most—my family, my faith—it changes everything.
And if you’re walking this out with God? Well, it takes simple strategies and makes them incredibly powerful. The results are truly amazing.
So yes—being a father means being a leader.
And leadership truly starts with love, structure, humility, and showing up for the little things. You won’t get it perfect. But if you stay committed, it will absolutely change your home—and your children’s future.
